


Home Doesn't Have To Be A Place

by Tomhollandsfandom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Lawyer Sam Winchester, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sam Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:54:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24677257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tomhollandsfandom/pseuds/Tomhollandsfandom
Summary: Sam adopts Jack who can't see the good in anyone anymore. Sam's old friend Castiel is asking Sam for legal help so he can adopt Claire after his twin brother and his wife go missing. In the midst of the drama, Sam and Cas find themselves crushing on each other.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 24
Kudos: 41





	1. Say Uncle

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how long this story is going to be, but it will be multiple chapters and will switch character POVs. I will let you know any time it changes to avoid confusion. This first chapter is basically just the setup. I don't have a posting schedule yet, but I will try to at least update this once a week if not more. I think that's all for now. Enjoy!

Dean's incredulous look was not one I wanted to see after telling him my news. "You adopted a teenager?" The eye roll was less at the question and more at how many times I've answered the stupid question. 

I held my breath hoping I wouldn't have to go into the usual spiel I have had to since I signed the official papers. 

"Yes, I told you I was going to." It was a weak response but nonetheless true. I wanted a better response but beggars can't be choosers I guess. 

"No, you said you were one, adopting a kid, and two I thought you were joking!" I would like the proof of me explicitly saying I was adopting a kid. The number of people who had said that makes me feel like I'm part of the Mandela Effect. 

"How on Earth would that be a joke?" I asked fiddling with my keys wondering if I just narrowed down Jack's family by one more member. I hope not. Although all I had done was tell Dean he could be an uncle if he wanted to. 

Dean's arms were up now, "I don't know! You have weird humor sometimes!" He said as he gestured at me. 

It was my turn to look at Dean incredulously, my humor was weird? Is he aware of his own? Well, I guess it's less weird and just lame. 

"Well, it's not a joke, and if you want to meet him you gotta be less...hostile," I gestured at him, he was in a soldier stance. From the looks of it, it wasn't on purpose. This could be a problem, Jack isn't very trusting towards anyone. Seeing that could definitely set his progress back. 

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'm just surprised. I mean after Jess-" He relaxed his posture and leaned back on the counter. 

"Dean, let's not go down that road." I warned, easing back into my usual self, 

"Look, it's not the family portrait I would've drawn when I was eight, or anything," I paused remembering when I saw Jack for the first time. 

He had been alone in a corner, and even though he looked to be smiling, his eyes told a completely different story. 

Especially when a blond started to approach him, "but I saw Jack and knew I couldn't leave him there." 

I had practically sprinted over to introduce myself and for a moment I saw Jack relax, he realized I was being a barrier. 

However, I was still a stranger so his walls went back up immediately. 

Dean was silent for a moment before he pushed himself off the counter towards me and stuck his hand out. 

"Let me see the picture again." I fumbled for a second to get my phone and handed it over. Dean knew the passcode and it was opened on the photo already. It was my favorite one, I had managed to get a photo of Jack cuddling a cat, smiling as he whispered to it. 

He asked the owner if he could hold them for a second and after he got permission to he spent a while just talking to the cat. The owner didn't seem to mind luckily, probably surprised the cat let Jack hold them.

I've been mulling over the pros and cons of getting him his own cat, the pros did out win the cons, however; that's a discussion both of need to sit down and discuss. 

I refocused my attention on Dean and recognized that smile. It was the same fond smile he uses when he's looking at my old photos. 

"He kind of looks like you." I looked over and tried my best to see it, but I couldn't. Maybe because I was looking at it at the wrong angle? I got up at stood next to him, and shook my head. 

"He does not." It was most likely just Dean pulling my leg, however, he looked adamant about it. 

Dean gestured over to the coffee table that I have no doubt was the project Dean had been working on last week. Every time I called him he would say something about a new project, it was the newest looking addition. "Yes, he does. Give me your old yearbook photo."

I shook my head but still walked over to see if he could show me what he saw. I still probably won't believe him, come on, how on Earth do we look alike?

Dean flipped over different pages for a bit before stopping and set the phone right next to a picture of me with my old dog Bones. 

With a shrug, I dismissed it and sat back down. "I still don't see it." His judgemental eyebrows stood tall as he muttered,

"Maybe you need to get your eyes checked." I swatted his hands away as he put two fingers as a test. Jerk. 

"Hey, I'm not the old man, you are," I said moving my phone back in front of me. 

Quite loudly he scoffed, you could see just how offended he was. "Hey! If I'm old, you are too. You're not that much younger than me!" 

"All I heard was younger than you." I knew he was going to flip me off and give me his bitch face so I timed it with his. 

"Ugh, how did they allow you to adopt a teen when you still act like one." Fair point, except I only act like this with Dean so, not so fair point. 

"Haha, so funny." 

Dean did his "million" dollar smile with a shrug, "I know, I could be a comedian." That would be his only good joke before getting booed off the stage. My alarm went off, and I cleared it. 

"So, can you come over on Saturday? To meet him?" I asked getting ready to leave, I could tell he was about to be sarcastic because of course, he was. 

"Let me see, I'm pretty busy, you know I'm just the copartner who picks my hours and stuff, I don't know, Sammy." If he had his pillows on his couch I would throw one at him. 

"Dean." 

"Yes, I'll be over. Want me to bring anything? Like some embarrassing photos of you or some of my famous burgers?" Dean asked putting said photos back on his coffee table. 

I grabbed my coat and was making sure I had everything I came with. "Leave the photos, bring the burgers."

"I'll bring both," Dean yelled back. I would've thought he was possessed or something if he didn't. Didn't mean I would try and get him to leave them though. 

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Has the kid met anyone else?" I was about to say no until I remembered a week ago we had to get a poster board for one of Jack's projects. 

"He met Bobby." Dean turned around fast enough to create a burn in the carpet and give himself whiplash. 

"Before me!"

"Dude, you're loud." I groaned, "And yes, we were at the store when we ran into him. He called me an idjit for not telling him sooner, now he has to go clear a room for Jack just in case I'm ever being too much of an idjit to realize Jack needs some space." Dean nodded knowingly, it sounded like Bobby. 

"Did the kid like him?" I nodded, better than he likes me. I'm surprised the kid actually let me adopt him, he doesn't seem all that comfortable with me. 

"I think so. He was trying to force himself to stay serious but you could tell he wanted to smile." It most likely had to do with Bobby telling me off and redirecting us to get proper supplies for Jack's project. 

"I bet he really looked like you at that moment then. I swear you were always doing that with Cas." I looked down, Cas, we haven't exactly talked in a while. Argued? Yeah. Talked? No. 

"How is he doing?" Even if we aren't on good terms, I care about him. 

Dean noticed the shift, of course, he still doesn't know what happened. I am not even entirely sure what happened. "Not great, actually, he called me the other day and asked if I could give you his number." I looked at the piece of paper surprised; when was the last time I had Cas' number anyways? I had his email, but that's about it. After our last fight, it was best not to talk until we were completely over it. 

Dean continued on, "I asked if I could help and he said the best help I could give was giving you this, so." I tucked it into my wallet and gave Dean a nod. 

"I'll make sure to call him. Any news on them?" Dean shook his head. Fuck. I knew we were thinking the same thing. 

"I want to go looking but-" 

"Cas made us both agree not to." He didn't directly tell me, he had Dean tell me, maybe he does care after all. Or at least to a degree. 

"He knows once we look for one person-"

"We can't stop until someone pulls us out." I finished for Dean again, he pointed at me with a finger gun as a way to say "Bingo."

"Yep. That damn bastard knows us too well." Solemnly I agreed, every day that passed it made our suspicions truer. If we go back in, we most likely won't get back out. 

I cleared my throat and saw the time, I may have to speed just a little bit. "I have to go, I want a good parking spot, I'll see you Saturday?"

"Yeah, go pick up your kid, you PTA mom," Dean called as I headed for the door. I opened it and yelled,

"Bye, Jerk!"

"Bye, Bitch!" I heard before closing the door. I ignored my current thoughts about Saturday and Cas, right now all that matters is that I'm not late. I can't break my promise to Jack. 


	2. Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Distractions can be healthy but that's not always true, not when it comes to you driving and you get a flashback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the really long delay, I had a lot of different ideas for this chapter and it was going to be longer but I decided it doesn't have to be all in one chapter. 
> 
> Hopefully, my next upload is quicker than this one.

_"Sam?" After hearing his name called he moved the arm that had been thrown across his face. His small attempt to block the sun. Following the voice, he rolled over to settle in on his stomach as he stared at the boy who called his name._

_The boy watched intently at his friend's movements, "Yeah, Cas?" The boy had to pause, regathering his thoughts that wandered off while he watched Sam._

_When he remembered them, he flattened the grass in front of him. "You will always be my friend." It wasn't a question, but a statement._

_Sam pushed the hair out of his face only for it to fall back where it was. "I hope so." Sam had more to say on the matter but he kept it simple._

_"I'll make sure of it," Cas confirmed with a determined look, Sam resisted the urge to boop his friend. It was his instinct when Cas made that face._

_He instead went with a more mature response. "Promise?" Cas reached for Sam's hands and held them to his chest._

_"Promise."_

"No, hi?" The car door closed loudly bringing Sam out of his daydream or well, memories Sam supposed. 

Sam cleared his throat and grinned at Jack, "Sorry, Jack I was caught up in my thoughts. Hi, how was school?" Jack seemed a bit amused at his guardian. Before he got in he noticed Sam's lovesick look on his face. He's seen it a couple of times but it was only when Sam's daydreaming. 

"Fine. You okay?" Jack asked as he buckled up. Like usual one hand remained close to the door and the other next to his seatbelt. It was more out of habit than necessity. Jack wouldn't say he trusts Sam, it's just Sam is a lot less likely to pull a stunt like that. 

Sam cleared his throat and started the car, "Yep, peachy. What do you want to do for dinner tonight? Cook? Or just pick a diner or something?" He was determined to focus on Jack, Sam wasn't supposed to let his mind drift to Castiel in the first place, how did he let that happen? 

"I think we should avoid cooking for a minute." Jack wasn't a great cook either but after Sam's display of a disaster cook, Jack can't help but feel a bit more confident in his own abilities. 

Sam repressed the urge to roll his eyes, he wasn't a bad cook, not a great one, but he can cook a meal. Just not that day. "Jack, I was sick. I am capable of cooking a meal for us."

"You're also capable of flooding a kitchen with noodles, hot boiling water, and giving yourself a first-degree burn." Sam looked down at his hands and he had to admit that was true, he should've been in bed since he was a bit delirious, but he needed to finish dinner. He ended up having to order a pizza in the end while he tended to his burn before passing out. 

"Maybe you have a point. Okay, so where do you want to go?" Right as Sam got the go-ahead from the driver behind him he halted when he heard,

"Anywhere with good pancakes."

_"Cas, where do you want to go?" Sam asked pushing himself off his bed, he wanted to stay in it all day but he heard Cas' stomach rumble. If he didn't force him to get up and eat he would wait until he got home._

_Cas didn't bother getting up yet, Sam had a feeling he would have to drag Cas out of the other bed, "Anywhere with good pancakes."_

_Sam shook his head and threw a pillow at Cas that was caught and tucked into his arms."You just want to dump a bunch of sugar on them."_

_"I was raised by Gabriel after all," Cas admitted, and before he could get too comfortable Sam laid on him sprawled out._

_Sam's hair ended up in Cas' face, Cas pushed it out of his face and tried to move but he didn't really have any other option besides pushing Sam off the bed._

_"I think I know a place you'll like, Dean would never forgive us unless we took him with us." Cas rolled his eyes at how Sam was able to act like this was normal, well it kind of was but it wasn't the point._

_Instead, Cas wrapped his arms around Sam and forced Sam to cuddle with him."In all fairness, I wouldn't forgive you either if you didn't invite me." Sam did his best to ignore the fact his best friend was nuzzling the back of his neck as he cuddled him._

_"It's a good thing I'm inviting both of you then."_

_"Sam."_

"Sam!" There was a stinging sensation on Sam's face, and it clicked that Jack had just slapped him. 

Jack looked terrified and Sam was glad that he stopped driving when he did. "I'm sorry, what?" 

"Have you been drinking?" Sam felt embarrassed and angry at himself, he shouldn't be this distracted that Jack thinks he's drinking. 

Sam turned off the car and set his head on the wheel. All the progress he had made with Jack is gone, isn't it? "No. I- I'm just thinking of an old friend." 

"Is that who Cas is?" Sam lifted his head at that, and Sam mentally screamed at himself again because Jack shifted farther away. Why can't he stop messing up?

"What?" He forced out, Jack has never seen Sam like this. He looked angry but not at Jack, and he wasn't sure what that meant for himself. 

"You said Cas after I said I wanted pancakes and then zoned out. Are you okay to drive?" Jack was wondering if he should walk home or use the number Sam's uncle or dad gave him. They would know what to do right?

"I think so." Jack wasn't confident with Sam driving and he wasn't sure what would happen if he called anyone to help the situation. He plastered a fake confident smile. 

"Perhaps I should, I need the practice anyway." Sam saw through him but didn't comment on it. He could see Jack was fighting with himself and decided it was honestly safer. This would force himself to pay attention and not go on autopilot mode. 

"Okay. Good idea." Sam got out while Jack simply climbed over the seat. By the time Sam got in Jack was buckled and started the car. 

"So, do you know a good pancake place?" Jack asked cautiously, it seems like the last time he asked it sent Sam off. 

"The diner next to the library. They have really good food." Sam commented as he buckled up, Sam was relaxed, his hand that was holding onto the car for dear life had nothing to do with Jack's driving. 

When Jack looked over briefly to look both ways, he saw Sam's terrified face and wasn't sure whether it was his driving or whatever had happened before. "Alright. You're sure you're okay?"

Sam forced a smile and gave him a thumbs-up, "I'm good, great. Just a little reminder that speed limit is twenty-five."

"How fast was I going?" Jack looked at how fast he was currently going, it was thirty-five, not that bad. 

"Fifty-five," Sam answered and Jack did his best to not look sheepish. 

"Oh, sorry." He slowed down until he got to twenty, Sam was grateful, he'd rather them get a ticket for driving too slow rather than for speeding or crashing. That didn't mean he let go of the side door though. 


	3. Diner Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lie here and a lie there to avoid truly talking about the past. Cause it's much easier to lie than to face the truth isn't it?

"Thank you, " Sam said to the waiter which Jack echoed before turning to his guardian. 

Sam was messing with his silverware, the salad was quite pitiful looking. Sam was just glad Dean wasn't here to see the sad salad, 'no need to flip through the menu' Sam had thought knowing he wanted a salad. He regrets his decision now. 

Jack didn't have the same problem, he had his pancakes and was looking at the different syrups. "What happened?" Sam looked confused at the syrups, he didn't think anything was amiss. 

"What do you mean?" Looking up Jack saw Sam's gaze towards his hand and shook his head. Jack realized he should've been more specific and paused his browsing. 

"You said Cas was an old friend. What happened?" 

The silence was deafening, this was not the conversation Sam wanted to have. However, he does owe Jack an explanation for his behavior earlier. With a sigh, Sam began a weak explanation, how can you explain something you don't understand yourself? "I'm not even really sure. We used to be close friends, it was me, Cas, and Dean against the world. Somewhere along the way, I fell behind Dean leaving the two to lead, and I never caught back up to Cas. Dean eventually slowed down for me, but Cas kept going. He never slowed down." 

Sam was trying to keep his bitter thoughts at bay, Castiel didn't just keep going, he kept making sure Sam never caught up.

Any time the two were alone for a second it turned into a huge fight and Sam never even knew what they were arguing about He just knew that Castiel didn't want him around anymore so eventually, Sam stopped trying to keep up with Castiel. He had Dean and that was enough for him. Most of the time anyway. 

Jack could tell there was more history than that but didn't know how to push for more information without upsetting Sam. "I wish I could help, but I've never had friends." 

Sam hated the casualness in that statement. "What about Kaia?" 

"She doesn't need me as a friend." Jack's breathing sharpened, he knew that he was terrified to get close to her, for the same reason he can't get close to Sam. He's tired of being hurt and lied to, it's easier to be alone. 

Sam knew that wasn't true, he could see that those two need support systems that truly understand each other. "That doesn't mean you two can't be friends." Jack didn't answer or give any hints of actually hearing Sam. 

Instead, he went back to his pancakes and overloading them with sugar. Sam poked at his salad with the newly fallen silence. 

That was until Jack spoke up again, "Call them."

"What?" 

"Call Cas." Jack specified, "If I had the opportunity I would." It was a lie. To think there was a time where he couldn't lie at all, but it looks like Sam needs the lie. "Maybe you ran ahead and they never caught back up." 

Sam seriously doubted that but decided it didn't matter, he can't change what happened. Yet, he couldn't help consider Jack's words a little bit. "I do have to call anyway. Not right now. Later." Way later if Sam could, but Sam knew if Castiel reached out to him, he doesn't have the luxury of putting it off. 

"Sam?" Dean pretended to be surprised to see his brother as if he wouldn't have recognized Sam's car when walking in. 

One look at Dean and Sam knew Dean didn't come just for the food. "Dean? Did you follow us?" 

Dean tried to look innocent and shocked and the accusation but Sam's bitch face told him he could see right through his bullshit. 

"No! Okay, maybe. Move over, I'm sitting with you." Sam moved over, 'accidentally' kicking Dean in the process, Dean bit back the yelp that almost came out. 

Jack could see that Dean wanted to hit Sam back for that but refrained in favor of making a good impression. "You're Sam's brother."

"And you are Jack." 

"Yeah." 

"Huh," Was all Dean said before turning his attention to Sam and nearly facepalmed, "Sam please tell me you got more food coming and you're not just eating that pathetic salad." 

Sam wasn't about to admit he wished he had chosen a different meal, he would rather shoot his foot than admit to Dean he's right about diner salads. "Cool, I won't tell you." 

Dean pushed it away from Sam which got a "Hey!" Not that Dean didn't expect that, "You need to eat something besides that." Dean turned back to Jack, "I swear if he could he would survive off of nothing but salads. Not even good ones. No bell peppers, cucumbers, not even good lettuce. Just sad soggy tomatoes, lettuce, and ranch." 

Sam had a scowl on his face, he knew this salad sucked but so do the majority of the burgers Dean eats. "It's better than your diet."

"At least mine is diverse," Dean argued while waving over a waitress. She gave him a one minute sign and Dean nodded. 

Of course, Sam scoffed at Dean's idea of diversity, they're the same fucking shape. "Hamburgers and pie are diverse?"

Dean nodded sort of half heartily, he was busy taking note of the guy across from them who has been staring hungrily at Jack. "Don't forget fries and donuts." 

Sam either hadn't noticed yet or was ignoring the creep, Dean figured it was the first one since the guy's nose wasn't broken yet. "So what happened to you waiting until Saturday?"

"Boredom," Dean answered dryly, in truth he had a bad feeling about Sam. The only time Sam ever loses focus is when he's thinking of Cas. Considering Jack drove the two and Sam didn't feel any danger coming from the table across, Dean knew his gut feeling was correct. 

"You two are blood brothers?" Jack had to ask because while the two were obviously familiar with each other but the two didn't look at the alike. 

"Yeah, unfortunately for Sam I got all the good genes. He got all the hand me downs." Sam rolled his eyes before gasping dramatically,

"Is that a gray hair?" Of course, Dean's eye got wide and started to search through his hair with his hands as if he'd possibly be able to locate it that way. 

"Where?" 

Sam's burst of laughter surprised Jack, it had slipped out when Dean tried to use the napkin dispenser as a mirror, "You fall for that every time."

"Hey, I might get them from having to deal with your dumbass all the time." Dean huffed setting the napkins back down. 

"I thought I was a smartass." 

"No, you are just an ass."

Jack found the brothers to be an amusing pair but felt his phone vibrating, "I'll be back I have to use the restroom." The brothers nodded him off, Dean's eyes kept the creep in his peripheral view. 

"So, did you call him?" 

"No. Not yet." 

"Go call him, I'll keep Jack company and I'm ordering you real food. Go." Sam didn't want to call Castiel but he had an annoying nausea gut feeling he'd regret it if he put it off any longer. 

"Yes, Dad," Sam said and nudged Dean to move as if Dean wasn't already doing so. 

Dean swatted at Sam with a scowl, "You wish I was your Dad."

"What?" Sam laughed again, he wasn't sure what was funnier, his lame comeback or Dean's utter look of disappointment in his comeback.

"I don't know. Go." 

Sam walked out and noticed it was a bit colder now. Or maybe it was just him being nervous, but why? There's a huge chance it'll just go to voicemail, right? With that in mind, Sam got the number out of his wallet and dialed it with a new sense of confidence. 

"Please don't pick up. Please don't pick up." Okay, maybe not a new sense of confidence, more like a false one. 

"Hello?" Castiel answered after the first ring, Sam yelled in his mind 'Fuck, he picked up.'

He cleared his throat, "Hey, Castiel. It's Sam."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So close yet so far. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. If you find any mistakes please let me know, I'm grateful for any and all criticism. Have a great day!


	4. Therapeutic Memories And Such

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castle is well put together as long as you ignore the chaos around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is in Castiel's POV, and I have more parts written so hopefully, you don't have to wait very long for the next update.

_I couldn't sleep, it felt like something is amiss, opening my eyes and looking at Sam's empty bed, I knew why. I have been worried about Sam, it seems every day he pushes me further and further away._

_Uncovering and heading to the kitchen, I heard him crying. It pained me to hear him muffling his cries undoubtedly in the living room._

_Should I even attempt to console him? He hasn't been very fond of me lately, jumping and practically pushing me away every interaction. I made a promise, I should keep it._

_With that, I walked to my crying friend, wrapped him in arms, and sang an old Enochian lullaby Sam was familiar with. He clung onto me and cried louder into my chest, I didn't let go, and neither did he._

_"Cas?" His voice was as gravely as mine from his sobs._

_I kissed the top of his head, something I suspected I wouldn't be able to do for much longer. Not with how quick he has been growing. "Yeah, Sam?"_

_He paused and dropped his voice to a whisper, "You won't leave me, right?"_

_"Never." I didn't mean to be so quick with my answer but I couldn't risk being hesitant. Besides, there are hardly any reasons why I would willingly leave Sam. None of them are in his control._

_The laugh of relief brought me joy, but his voice still shook. "You promise?" I rubbed his back and could feel the tension rolling out._

_"Of course, I promise." He looked back up and began to pull away, I couldn't let go though. What if this is the last time I can?_

_Sam's head tilted up, his gaze has never been so intimidating until now, how could someone be on the brink of a breakdown and still so fearsome? "Are you sure? Even if I am different?"_

_"You've always been different, Sam. It's not a bad thing." His stare must've been him glimpsing into my soul and weighing it to judge my character. I'm not sure if I can pass a test like that._

_"But what if it is?"_

_"Sam, I love you." That's not what I wanted to say, "I would go to hell and back for you, there is nothing that you can do to make me leave you." I suppose I can't go back in time and word that differently. Fuck. How do his eyes pull the truth out without even trying?_

_He couldn't feel my panic, if he had a clearer mind he would've seen it in my eyes and felt it in my chest. "Nothing?"_

_"Nothing." His eyes dropped with his voice, I wanted to cup his chin and kiss away any worries, but he would never agree to that._

_"Even if I like boys?" God has a wicked sense of humor, it would be possible if Sam didn't view me as a brother._

_I had to force the lump down and smile, "Even if you like boys." My troubles of love shouldn't affect Sam coming out to me. He isn't in charge of my pain, he may be the cause in a way, but I would never dream of hurting him._

_"And girls?" I could still tell he was testing the waters, although his voice almost gave out with girls more than boys. Odd._

_I can't blame him for being scared, nonetheless, with my upbringing... This is why I had almost died. Had Gabriel been a minute late, I would've never met such an amazing person, to begin with._

_"And girls. You can't get rid of me that easily." His posture gave out as he clung onto me once again, I can't imagine ever leaving him. I could easily see him leaving me though._

_"I love you too, Cas." If Sam noticed the tears falling from my eyes, he didn't mention them._

"You're a moron."

"Thanks, Meg." Not sure why I tell her these things when she insults me afterward. Oh, right, therapist.

She leaned forward to take my water, sensing I wanted to hide behind it. "You are a moron. In every story about Sam, you're always scared he wanted to leave you, and he's the one who fought to keep you close."

"I know. Although, I did have to push him away. We both know that." Sighing and sinking into the couch had been a mistake, I found a blade and handed it over to Meg.

"I've been looking for this. Thank you, but no. You didn't have to be a dick, you could've explained it to him like you did with Dean." This debate is so tired, she already knew why I had done it, yet she still continues to disagree with it.

In fact, she knew it so well she mocked me, "He would've put himself in harm's way and I never wanted to admit- stop mimicking me." She rolled her eyes and wrote something in her notes. I glanced at the clock and began scrambling for my belongings.

"Meg! I have to pick up Claire, why didn't you warn me about the time?" I managed to get everything and didn't miss her head shake.

I need a new therapist and a watch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be a continuation of Castiel's POV as well. As always, comments/criticism are always welcomed. If you found any mistakes please let me know so I can fix them. I hope you have a lovely day!


	5. Memories of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last comes to haunt Castiel and it's not an easy thing to escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's more to this chapter it was just getting too long and I want to get this out today. Sorry for the long wait, hope it's worth it!

I never used to be late for anything. No matter what it had been, one thing you could count on me for is my punctuality. If only that still stood true.

Claire would never know. She is trying to look calm and not too angry but her tone snapped and hit me too hard. "You forgot me again." Sam. I forgot Sam.

_"Sam." I tried to greet, Sam stood soaking wet, dripping from head to toe because it's been raining nonstop. If Crowley hadn't been here I would've left to get him immediately, Sam's going to get sick because of me. Is it worth the pain now to save him from pain later?_

_I didn't like his silence, his anger, but it had to be done, I can't let my family get to him, it will be worse than any cold he's going to get from the rain. "I'm sorry, I got caught up-"_

_"Bullshit." The anger is clear despite not raising his voice, just a hiss, a warning to not lie. Unfortunately, I have to ignore this warning._

_Crowley pinched my leg and I managed to avoid wincing at the pain. "What?" Someone thinks I'm forgetting my lines. Assbutt._

_Sam dropped his bag getting my attention again, "What? What? This is bullshit!" My eyes focused on Sam, I wonder if he can see the pain or if he's in too much. "You've never been good at lying especially to me." Sam's voice breaking and the tears threatening to fall nearly had me admit but I can't fall apart now. It's too late._

_"I'm not lying." Nothing is worth losing you, Sam, not even me. Our friendship means nothing if you're gone._

_I could see Sam wanting to hit something, it's similar to Dean's rage, the look Dean gets in his eyes. The anger radiating off of Sam is unusual. It looms over the room and I had to nudge Crowley to see if he could see it. His attention got pulled away, "Crowley, leave now." Sam didn't need to yell to convey his anger, his tone is enough, I'd rather listen to his yell than this. Chills roamed down my body at the realization this anger is towards me._

_Crowley is a fool, I could see it before he uttered a word. "You didn't invite me, Darling, if you want me gone, talk to this flirt right here." I nudged Crowley again, more noticeable this time. He frowned at me, I can tell Sam wants to let his anger out and it won't be at me first despite Crowley not being a part of this. It's easier. Easier to hate on Crowley rather than the person you've trusted for nearly your entire life._

_"You should leave." I didn't look at Crowley, I didn't need to, not when he scoffed grabbing his items angrily. He didn't understand, Sam's eyes never left mine. Sam used to hide from my eyes, from me, and now he's staring me down with justified anger._

_"Someone folds early." Crowley can be as mad as he'd like, his fury means nothing. Sam's means the world._

_"Well if you stay he's prone to start shooting or stabbing, depends on which weapon he's carrying." Crowley knew I'm not bluffing, all of us carry some type of weapon, which is why I know I didn't imagine him scoffing, "Winchesters." before he left._

_The air stilled between us, his anger crumpled into sorrow, "Why did you leave me?" I closed my eyes but the picture is clear in my mind of Sam's pleading look. I opened them and it didn't get any better, "I know you are doing this on purpose I just don't understand why." That's something I'm struggling to understand as well._

_"Sam," I don't deserve to be desperate but it fell out, "come on, I truly forgot." I didn't even believe myself for a second, I know Sam didn't either._

_"No, you didn't." I wish for the anger back, not the broken sound of Sam, "This is the thirteenth time you forgot." He stopped to try to regain control over his voice and tears but did not succeed in the slightest._

_"Your-" He shook his head, "Your memory is better than any of ours! You're always punctual and early, no matter what." A terrible laugh broke apart the silence that fell, "It's something you pride yourself in, so don't lie to me. Just don't." I never knew how anyone could willingly hurt Sam, I suppose I still don't know considering I don't want to do this._

_Sam snapped me out of these thoughts when I heard his voice continued, "I just don't get you!" Yelled, but it wasn't out of anger, but hurt, "You told Dean you'd pick me up because you like spending time with me. Which I KNEW you were lying about I just didn't understand WHY you'd volunteer then." Sam's voice dropped to a whisper almost as if he didn't want me to hear, "Was it so you could trap me there or force me to walk? What did I do to make you hate me?" How am I supposed to answer that? How am I supposed to tell him I love him but can't be near him because I never want my family to sink their claws into him?_

_"WHAT DID I DO?" He screamed after I didn't answer. I felt tears threatening to fall on my end but I can't._

_I stood up and turned away from the pain, "Sam, I forgot, that's the end of it, no alternative motives." Once again, I couldn't even fool myself, wouldn't be able to fool a stranger._

_"It's all in your head, Sam." That made me turn back, his voice sounded, empty, it sounded empty._

_"What?"_

_Sam scoffed and shook his head. "You might as well say it." His arms crossed over his chest, "I've heard it enough to know you want to say it, so do it, just say it." I can't force myself to say something like that. No. I don't have the strength to break him, not like that, I guess I kind of is though._

_"Sam, go change, you're going to get sick." I can't back peddle much, I just can't have this conversation anymore._

_Sam; however, isn't nearly done. "You didn't care enough earlier, don't pretend to care now."_

_"I do care!" That was my moment to say he's right, to push him far away and I screwed it up._

_"No, you don't!" Sam retracted back his anger, "No, you don't. And that's fine. It is. Most people pretend. I know that Dean knows that. I don't care. They pretend for Dean, I'm used to that! Hell, even Bobby is like that!" I knew that as well, and I know it hurts him, I've heard his pleas. I know he hates himself for not being what everyone wants him to be but all anyone wants Sam to be is Dean._

_"Bobby loves you." It's the best I could do knowing Sam isn't wrong._

_Sam didn't have to try hard to give me that look that said we both know that but you're avoiding the point. "But if he had to save me or Dean he wouldn't hesitate to save Dean." The hardest part of that decision is knowing Dean would never forgive Bobby for choosing him over Sam. "I know that. I think even Dean knows that, I don't hate Bobby for that. I don't even hate you for this, I just want to know what I did wrong." Of course, so ready to take the blame and I need to let him so why can't I? Why can't I be like everyone else around Sam? "Because you used to tolerate me but now you couldn't care less if I'm dead in a ditch. Just what did I do?"_

_"Nothing!" I wanted to slam my head into a wall, why is this so hard? Why?_

_Sam paced close to me, "Then what changed!"_

_"Me! I changed!" We were yelling in each other's faces at this point and it hurt. It fucking hurts and I can't stop it._

_"And what? After this change, you couldn't find it in you to be convincing anymore? You know what, I am used to people caring more about my brother than me, it hurts but what can I do?" His intensity is back to when Crowley was here, this is what I need. "But, you are the cruelest because you let me believe that you were different." His eyes searched mine as if this were a test and I know I failed._

_"You let me believe that you were a shoulder I could cry on. You let me believe you'd never let anyone hurt me, you promised no one would, you wouldn't let them. But here you are, hurting me." I wanted him to punch me, a black eye would heal, his words will forever echo in my mind._

_"Sam, you don't understand." How could he?_

_"No, I don't! Of course, I fucking don't!" It looked like he was going to hit me but he just moved back instead to pace, his arms gesturing while he spoke, "You went from challenging Dean to be the one who held me while I cried and now you're the making me cry."_

_"Sam." I had to hug him and be the person who he is used to, the person I am, I can try, I can beat my family, I can't do this!_

_Before I could he pushed me away from him "No! Get off of me, I don't want you to ever touch me again!" It's too late, isn't it? No, I want to take it back! I want to take it all back!_

_I need to speak, anything! "Over what? Me forgetting to pick you up?" Silence would've been better, where are these words coming from?_

_"No, because you replaced my best friend, I don't know who you are but you're not the Castiel I grew up with. I don't who you are." I don't know either, Sam._

_My mouth is disconnected from my brain, going off on its own, "I admitted to changing but I didn't change very much Sam." That's a lie, the lie was supposed to be I changed not that I hardly changed._

_"If you can't understand why I am upset, you did change a lot." I know. "Because you always knew why I was upset, even when I couldn't. The old you wouldn't ever make me feel this way." Why did I let this happen? I could've protected him, I vowed to never let anyone hurt him, why did this happen?_

_"Sam, please, I just forgot. Why is this such a big deal?" Can I please stop talking, it's not the right words! I just need to stop talking._

_Sam walked away picking up his bag, "Because of what you forgot. You haven't forgotten anything else." I am so sorry, Sam. I regret it more than you know._

_"Just enough to forget about me. Continue forgetting about me, and I'll do the same. I'll forget you, Hell, I guess I should forget the person I am now since no one but Dean can stand me." That's not true, I care, I love you, I should have protected you, why didn't I?_

_"Maybe I should be thanking you. Even the nicest guy in the world with the biggest heart doesn't have room for me. It's a mystery that Dean can care." Sam, please, please see that I don't want this. I want you! I want to be there for you, the real Sam!_

_Instead, he walked towards his room and with one more glance and a shake of his head uttered, "I won't tell Dean. He'll do something irrational and probably kick you out."_

_"Isn't that what you want?" Please let me have some consequences so I don't drive myself mad. Please, Sam!_

_"No." Sam's anger fell, and his fight dissipated right in front of me, "You may have stopped caring about me, but I haven't gotten the chance to stop caring about you. So, don't worry, Dean will never know." He gave a sad smile, "I never told him about the other times either, I don't plan on ever telling him, he needs a best friend, he can't afford to lose you." The too was implied but not said, I reached out for him, but he didn't come._

_"Punch me." The words I finally forced out and they're still not right but at least they're my words._

_"What?"_

_"Punch me."_

_"No."_

_"I deserve it." God knows how much I deserve it but Sam's fist that held onto his bag was the closest thing I got to one._

_Sam put his bag down inside his room and sighed leaning against his door, "No. Maybe you do, but I'm not hitting you."_

_"Why not, Dean would?" Dean would kill me, he wouldn't let up knowing what I did, I need him to know, I need something, someone to hurt me physically._

_"I think we've established I'm not Dean and that happens to be the problem. I'm sorry, for yelling and kicking out your guest. I'm tired. In my bag," he reached in and set it on the couch, I can see him blocking me off already, I can see his defenses going up being true to his word, "I got your favorite hamburgers, I wanted to surprise you when you picked me up, I did my best to save it." The bag is hardly wet, and I already know I'm not going to be able to stomach it. But I still want it. Why am I so selfish?_

_"Sam, please."_

_"Please, what?" Not a hint of sorrow or anger, no concern, his tone remained flat._

_"Yell at me again," I moved closer, "take your apology away, hit me, hurt me with your words, do something." Anything, any emotion, I don't know why but I need it._

_"Good night." The last thing we ever said civil to one another._

A slap hit my face and I blinked staring at Claire, rather than Sam's door. "Ow." It did sting but not that much.

"You blanked out for a few minutes." Claire didn't look a bit sorry, I shook my head and rubbed the spot she slapped.

"I was coming out of it before you hit me." I blame Meg, I didn't want to talk about Sam, think about him, but here I am.

"It didn't look like it, so what was that about? Don't you go to therapy to avoid that?" I shook my head, still gathering my thoughts and remembering where we are, Claire's school. We're at Claire's school.

I don't have the keys anymore, meaning Claire took them, "It doesn't mean that won't happen, and I have a terrible therapist."

"I don't know you might just have a thick skull." I glared and held my hand out, she scoffed and begrudgingly handed them over.

"What does the density of my skull have to do with this?"

"Yeah, I don't think it's the therapist." I tilted my head and she just continued, "So, are you good to drive cause if not-"

"Claire, you crashed in the driveway." More than once. I still am paying for the damage. She couldn't even look sheepish, no she has to look angry.

"I didn't know it was still on reverse." I shook my head, I should stop but she is too much, at least right now. This is going to be an argument, isn't it?

I put the keys in, "I said it was."

She shook her head and rolled her eyes, "No, you kept yelling reverse! So I assumed you wanted me to reverse." I had been tired which is why she was driving, I thought my instructions were clear.

"Which if I did you still didn't do."

"I did it! I just used the garage as breaks."

"I'm driving."

She sagged into the seat crossing her arms, "Fine." 

"I'm hungry." Huh, usually she doesn't give in so easily.

"Okay, what do you want to eat?" I started the car, and mentally listed off places close by.

"Where can we get a good burger?"

I knew exactly where, but it's somewhere I tend to avoid, Sam used to take me, I suppose there's no need to avoid it. What are the chances he's there right now? "Um, I guess there's a diner up ahead. But you need more vegetables."

"Ketchup is a vegetable, I'll use plenty!"

"I don't think it is."

She sat up and pointed at me as if she were scolding me, "See you think, I know."

I shrugged, I am pretty sure she's wrong. "Hey, someone's calling you."

I nodded for her to get it, "Answer it."

She did, "Here." She accepted the call and I held it in place with my shoulder and ear, "Hello?"

"Hey, Castiel, it's Sam."

"Sam..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any feedback, comments, or criticism is always welcomed! Don't hesitate! If you find any mistakes please let me know so I can fix them! Have a wonderful day!


	6. A Call To The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Castiel are finally talking to each other, well sort of. It's progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I will stop being mean and I'll have the two talk more than just Hello. Hope you enjoy!

"Hi, so um, I was told you need my help?" Castiel nodded until Claire nudged him. 

"Yes!" Castiel cringed at the outburst and Claire looked unamused, "I do." Castiel corrected himself. 

A sigh came on the other end, "Look, I have a kid so if it's going into the field-" 

Castiel interrupted, "You have a kid... No, no, that wasn't my intention, Claire can you put it on speakerphone?" Castiel asked handing the phone back and Claire complied. 

"Who is Claire?" Sam asked cringing at the jealousy in his voice, Castiel didn't detect it. 

Castiel changed lanes, "My niece." Now Sam really felt stupid. 

"So why did you call then?" Sam asked confused about how else would he help. 

Castiel tried to think about what he had needed Sam's help for, he kept getting distracted in just hearing Sam again. His voice sounds so different, "Um, I don't want you. In the field. Dean told me you're a lawyer." Sam sighed realizing Castiel just needed to get out of trouble. 

"I am." 

Castiel couldn't help but be proud of Sam for following his dreams, at least until Claire pinched him to pay attention. "And I need help keeping Claire in my custody." 

Sam had to do a double-take at the car that just passed by, "Do you still have that piece of a junk car?" 

"Piece of junk? You didn't like my car?" Castiel asked, Sam, had been the one to reassure him when Dean had made fun of it. 

Sam was glad Castiel couldn't see his grin "Dude, it's a pimp car, but I just saw it." 

"I think we missed the diner, Claire," Castiel said, and Sam's smile dropped, he had expected Castiel to say he had sold it or something. 

"Wait, you're coming here?" 

Castiel heard the slight panic in Sam's voice and frowned, "Um, I didn't know you were there, should I not?" Claire frowned for a different reason, 

"My burger!" 

Castiel rolled his eyes and Sam cleared his throat, "You're a grown man, I can't tell you not to, but I thought you lived, like far away or something." 

"I do, Claire doesn't." That explained a lot Sam thought, he had never seen Castiel's car around before, "I didn't want to change her entire routine." 

"Oh," Sam said not sure what else to say but Castiel misread Sam's 'oh.' 

"Don't sound too disappointed." It came out a bit more bitter than Castiel had intended, he had hoped it would sound indifferent, it did not. 

Sam sighed knowing exactly where this is going, they had been on the phone for how long, and already they're going to fight, "Are we going to start this again?" 

"I don't know, are we?" Castiel challenged and Claire moved the phone down, whispering, "Hey, he's supposed to help." 

"If he doesn't want to-" 

"I called so I do want to help but not if you're not going to accept it-" Another sigh came on Sam's end, "Are you arguing with Cas already?" A new voice Castiel recognized as Dean's while Claire was just confused. 

"I didn't start it- where's Jack?" Sam asked panicked looking behind Dean as if he had somehow missed him. 

Dean frowned, "I thought he was with you." 

"Dean-" Before Sam could go into full panic mode Dean held a hand up, 

"I'm kidding, he's at the table." Sam didn't relax at that statement either. 

He handed Dean the phone as he checked to see if he could see Jack, "Isn't there a creep in there who has been eyeing him?" 

"Yeah, but I decked him and I threatened to cut off his dick." Sam didn't bat an eye at that, possibly not hearing the full phrase as he continued to search for Jack. 

"I still don't want him to be alone, I'm going in," Sam said leaving Dean alone with his phone. 

Dean tried to shout for Sam but it was pointless. "But it's your phone call! Hey, Cas." 

"Hi, Dean." 

At least Dean could interrogate Castiel, "So, what was that about?" 

"I couldn't help it," Castiel answered weakly, they had gone around the diner four times already but he wasn't sure if he could face Sam. 

Dean rolled his eyes, "I will never get how you two hate each other, I swore one day I'd come in to see you two making out-" 

Castiel interrupted as Claire raised her eyebrow at him, "I don't hate him." 

"But you act like you do if you were anyone else I would've-" 

"Killed me? I know, why haven't you?" That last part wasn't supposed to come out. Now Claire was incredibly interested in this conversation. 

"You trying to get killed?" 

"No." 

Dean threw a hand up, "Then why bother asking?" 

Castiel didn't know how to answer that question so he didn't. 

"Cas?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Are we going to the diner still?" Claire asked before Castiel goes past it again. 

Castiel looked at Claire and nodded, he had to talk to Sam for Clare. He can put his feelings aside. "Yes." Castiel prepared himself as he pulled into the parking lot, he can do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All comments/criticism/feedback is appreciated. If you find any mistakes, please let me know so I can correct them! Have a marvelous day!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys like it so far, like always all comments/criticisms are welcomed. If you found any mistakes please let me know so I can fix them. I hope you have an amazing day!


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